The Barbershop Diaries, Volume I, Issue 19: To Those Unfortunate Few Who Have Been Left Behind


Don't Be Like Rick...Don't Get Left Behind

Don't Be Like Rick...Don't Get Left Behind

Apparently the Governor of the State of Texas, Rick Perry – a man rumored by the Austin Street in 2002 to have been interrupted, en flagrante delicto, with another man by his wife, has the supernatural ability to foretell the future.  Governor Perry is using his new-found powers, perhaps granted to him in a “mumblefest” with Reverend John Hagee, to force the cancellation of a meeting that would have demonstrated, perhaps beyond a reasonable doubt, that Cameron Todd Willingham was executed unjustly, unfairly and irresponsibly by the State of Texas during Governor Perry’s watch in 2004.

But Governor Rick Perry sports an excellent haircut and should receive some mention here at the ‘diaries.

So glad to see Governor Perry using his psychic abilities only for the Good.  Maybe he can do a travelling psychic duet with clairvoyant John Edwards – I’d love to see John Edwards “ping” all over the stage because of all the decent, innocent people Rick Perry and the GOP have sent to their untimely deaths in the last 20 years.

The murder of Cameron Todd Willingham by the State of Texas has recently been brought to the fore by a  Baltimore-based arson expert, Craig Beyler, who was hired to render an opinion by Austin attorney Samuel E. Bassett and the Texas Forensic Science Commission that, as of a week ago, he headed.  Beyler exudes credibility as does attorney Bassett, but neither of these two characteristics have anything to do with Governor Perry’s preternatural capacity for fortune telling nor for his capacity to sport an attractive coiff…so they had to go, “bah-bye.”

CNN also reports that two previous expert reports, presumably financed during Willingham’s appeals process, also determined that the deaths of Willingham’s children were not due to arson, but Beyler’s report, the most recent and the one wilting Perry’s coiff, was the first one commissioned by the State of Texas.

Let us pause for a moment of reasonable doubt.

Nine of the top fire investigators in the United States have all concluded that there was no evidence of arson in the fire Willingham was convicted on intentionally setting and which caused his children to perish.

From the death gurney, Willingham cursed his wife – a woman he had been accused of physically abusing, attempting to render an obscene gesture to her even as the paralytic drugs were being administered that would later cause his death.

What sometimes happens to women caught in a web of domestic abuse – and, yes, they fit a profile just as their abusers do – is that they will turn to stronger, more powerful males to seek for help in dealing with a situation that is often, and increasingly,  lethal to one or both parties.  Police officers – the single male versions of which fit a psychological profile, too – love to be of service to damsels in distress.  This affect does not serve male police officers well as they are statistically incapable of sustaining long term relationships or avoiding the trap of alcoholism or drug addiction throughout their careers in law enforcement.  If you know a retired police officer who seems pleasant and kind, give him or her a random hug because they could probably use one.

Back to reasonable doubt.

If you are a Texas-born male of the stubborn variety, a man who has managed through sheer grit and determination to survive the kind of childhood that has a high probability of breeding a domestic abuser, and you happen to think your marriage to a physically attractive female is due to anything other than dumb luck, you are a complete imbecile.  Texas has a habit of both breeding them and executing them with needles. 

If you are a Texas-born male police officer who thinks he does the right thing by tampering with evidence or unduly influencing a legal investigation because you feel “sorry” for the wife of a complete imbecile –  or worse, because she blows you in your cruiser on one of your many breaks in exchange for paying closer attention to her tendency to pick up men by their penises and beat herself to death with them – you deserve to discover that there is not enough alcohol or enough of any drug in the world to soothe your aching conscience.  Run, do not walk, out of law enforcement, and consider yourself fortunate for having had the chance to serve relatively honorably.  If you continue to decorate your rut with lumber and “collars,” you will become the Thing you hated the most and sought a career in law enforcement to eliminate.

If you are the Governor of a State like Texas – that can mean only one person at this point in history – who not only willfully allows this kind of nonsense to continue unabated, but is actually righteous about passing this steaming pile of crap on to the next unfortunate occupant of your lowly place in public service: you deserve to be outed for your hypocrisy, your complete lack of honesty, your deviant behavior and your abject, bellicose failure as a human being.

Yes, if it will make those unfortunate Baptists and Evangelicals who are subliminally enraged by the fact that they are still, at this late date, waiting to be “raptured” feel better, I am your Jesus for today.  I am passing judgment upon ya’all — or, “ye,” if you prefer.  I reckon I can have the whole job done in about a day hence my original promo, “Day of Judgment.”  Come one, come all.  Tickets are going fast.  Come see whose behavior was worse than your’s and who still got to live a pretty nice life, anyway.

By way of addendum, I think that it is important to mention the fact that being condemned to burn in a Hell of your own creation is no excuse for treating absolutely everyone in your path like they are the cool places only you get to walk on on your way to meet with your beloved Lucifer.  Nor is it any excuse for befouling the planet on which you were born like it is some kind of glorified privy where you can hide your liquor as well as lighten your personal burden after eating what no one should digest, or swallowing what should never have been consumed.  This is your Today-Jesus talking here and I am commanding you to wake the Hell up, already!

In one last ditch attempt at saving all of your putrid, lurid Protestant souls, I am commanding you to shave off all of your hair and live every waking moment that remains in complete and utter gratitude for every tiny, seemingly insignificant kindness you get to see or experience.  If you fail in this regard, I shall smote ye and all of your Amway downline with month after month of poor economic performance, vicious cross-line infilitration by your fellow churchgoers and numerous and sundrie infections of both bladder and yeast.  A Kaiser roll unto your many houses say I!

Thus spake Zarathrustra,  a man whose hair looks nothing like Rick Perry’s nor whose jawbone comes anywhere near Rick Perry’s ass.


6 thoughts on “The Barbershop Diaries, Volume I, Issue 19: To Those Unfortunate Few Who Have Been Left Behind

  1. Pingback: The Barbershop Diaries, Volume I, Issue 19: To Those Unfortunate Few Who’ve Been Left Behind « C.O.T.O.

  2. Pingback: The Barbershop Diaries, Volume I, Issue 19: To Those Unfortunate Few Who Have Been Left Behind « COTO Report

  3. I dont know If I said it already but …Great site…keep up the good work. 🙂 I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks, 🙂

    …..Frank Scurley

  4. I sent this link to my email friends…This is truly top notch and should be headlined all over Texas! (after giving you a week to leave town, of course) 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s